We are beginning the season of frenzied shopping for the perfect holiday gifts! I invite you to consider a different kind of gift. This is the gift of passing on your legacy, values and deeply held beliefs to those you love. This gift is in written form, through an ethical will (or forever letter). This gift is even more special since art of letter writing has become lost in our society over the past few decades. It’s been replaced by email and text.

As clients wrap up estate planning documents, we often discuss this concept of an ethical will. Despite the legal sounding name, an ethical will is not a legal document. The ethical will dates backs to ancient times in Jewish culture to pass blessings and ethical teachings to future generations. While much has changed in society since this tradition began, ethical wills continue to be used both within the Jewish culture and outside of it.

I recently read the book “The Forever Letter” by Elena Zaiman. This book provides an excellent overview of ethical wills with many practical tips for writing your own letter. It is full of sample letters to help inspire your own efforts. Elena outlines the many potential benefits of writing a “forever letter” a few of which are detailed below:

• It’s a Tangible, Lasting Gift – There is something about a hand-written letter that is so special and meant to be saved. I have a letter from my mother during my teenage years written to encourage me during those rough years. I still pull this out occasionally to read – more so now that my own daughters are in this stage of life. While I received wonderful, encouraging emails or even social media comments, it is these hand-written words that mean the most.
• Sometimes We Can Write What We Cannot Speak – Emotions can be difficult to express verbally and sometimes it is just easier to write things down with time to reflect.
• We Can Clarify Our Values and Live with Greater Intention – In the rush of life, it can be hard to reflect on our values and truly define what is important. The process of writing this letter forces you to slow down and reflect on what is truly important. She provides sample questions in the book to help identify these values and dig deeper.
• We Can Make Ourselves Known – Many times we do not truly reveal ourselves even to those closest to us. Many times we, as parents, don’t give our children the opportunity to see our “full person” so that they deeply understand us. A forever letter allows you to share a bit of yourself with your loved ones, so they know what is going on in your heart.

This is certainly not a quick or easy process as it takes time to reflect and craft these types of letters. Personally, my goal is to present my girls with forever letters upon their high school graduation (over two years away).

While we talk about these letters to wrap-up estate planning, this process does not need to wait until we reach a certain age or milestone. The book is full of examples of letters written to younger children and even from a child to a parent. This holiday season, I invite you to reflect on your forever letter and who could receive this gift that will be cherished for a lifetime.

As always, we are here for you. Please email or call if you want to set up a Zoom videoconference meeting or talk by phone.

Mary McCraw, CFP®

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