How to Have a Money Date with Your Spouse

Many married couples find talking about money uncomfortable, and it can often lead to fights. One of the best ways to get on the same page about your finances, set goals, and work as a team is by having a “money date.” A money date is a set time to discuss your finances in a relaxed, supportive environment. This time can help you clarify your goals together and keep you on a path to achieving them.

If you’ve never had a money date before (or maybe just had a few awkward ones), don’t worry! Here’s how to create a positive money date that leaves you both feeling empowered and not stressed. Setting a specific time limit for your money date, such as an hour or two, can keep the discussion focused and prevent it from becoming overwhelming.

Set a Regular Schedule

Money discussions don’t have to be spontaneous or only happen when something goes wrong. Setting a regular schedule for money dates will create an environment of open communication and proactive planning. Whether monthly, quarterly, or annually, decide on a frequency that works for both of you. Setting aside time in advance can help avoid arguments as both people can mentally prepare for the conversation.

Pick the Right Setting

Your money date should feel relaxed, and the setting should be comfortable. It could be a cozy corner in your living room, a local coffee shop, or a quiet restaurant. 

Come Prepared

Both partners should spend time preparing for a money date to be most effective. Before your meeting, gather the financial information you’ll discuss. This could include your current account balances, recent transactions, upcoming bills, and any financial goals you’ve set. Having our PlanFirst! Portal pulled up on a computer or tablet will give you organized financial details to keep the conversation flowing smoothly.

Start with a Positive Mindset

It’s easy to default to stress, blame, or frustration when discussing money, so start with a positive mindset. Begin by reviewing your progress, even if it’s small. Celebrate any financial wins—paying off debt, sticking to your budget, or saving for a goal. A positive tone sets the stage for productive conversations. Open with a compliment like, “I’m proud of us for sticking to our savings goal last month,” or “I’m so excited that we paid off that car loan.”

Review your Current Financial Situation

Once you’re in the right mindset, review your financial situation. Check in on your savings, spending, debt, and investment accounts. What’s working? What needs more attention? Being open and transparent about where you stand financially helps keep both partners on the same page. The PlanFirst! portal is a fantastic tool for seeing your current financial situation at a glance. 

Talk About Goals and Priorities

One of my favorite parts of a money date is exploring financial goals—both individual and shared. This is an area where it is helpful for each spouse to reflect individually before the date. When you come together, you can explore those goals and find a shared vision together. Below are some sample questions to get started:

• What do we want life to look like in 5 years? 
• What do we want to have achieved financially?
• What big purchases or expenses are coming up in the next 5 years?
• What does financial security mean to us?

Talk About Challenges and Adjustments

Some of these conversations can be uncomfortable. Maybe one of you has been overspending or hasn’t been able to stick to your budget. Addressing these challenges openly and working together to find solutions is essential. Approach difficult conversations with empathy and curiosity, not judgment. Ask questions like, “What do you think we could do differently?” or “How can we work together to meet our savings goal?”

Plan for the Future

Once you’ve reviewed your current financial situation and talked about goals, take some time to plan for the future. This could mean revisiting long-term goals, like buying a home or retiring, or even setting up a plan to address life events such as having children or starting a business.

This is your chance to break big goals into smaller, actionable steps. If you plan to buy a house, your first step might be setting up a dedicated savings account for a down payment.

Celebrate Small Wins!

Throughout the date, celebrate your progress and your teamwork. At the end of the date, think about one small action step you can each take before the next money date. Even small steps can make a huge difference in meeting goals.

Working together towards shared goals can be a powerful experience for couples. Enjoy exploring your future together and making progress towards your goals. As always, we are here for you. Please email or call if you want to set up a meeting or talk by phone.

Mary McCraw, CFP®

Vice President

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